Feeling Lonely in Vancouver This Fall? Why Connection Feels Harder and How to Rebuild It
Once the rain settles in over the Lower Mainland, many of us start spending more time indoors. Patio dinners turn into evenings on the couch, weekend hikes get postponed, and the people we saw easily all summer suddenly feel further away. As a counsellor in Port Coquitlam and Downtown Vancouver, I notice that this is the time of year when more people quietly tell me, “I’m surrounded by people, but I feel alone.”
If that sounds familiar, you are not imagining it, and you are certainly not the only one. Loneliness is one of the most common and least talked-about struggles I see, and it deserves the same gentle attention we give to stress or anxiety.
Loneliness in Vancouver Is More Common Than You Think
Vancouver has a long-standing reputation as a beautiful city where it can be hard to make friends. Research backs that feeling up. In the Vancouver Foundation’s Connect & Engage survey (2017), about half of Metro Vancouver residents said they find it difficult to make new friends, up from 31% in the foundation’s earlier 2012 survey. Younger adults aged 25 to 34 reported the most difficulty, and around one in seven residents said they feel lonely often or almost always.
Long commutes, high housing costs, frequent moves, and busy work schedules all make it harder to build the kind of steady, everyday contact that friendships grow from, whether you live in the Tri-Cities, Burnaby, or downtown.
Being Alone vs. Feeling Lonely
It helps to separate two things that often get blended together. Being alone is a situation; loneliness is a feeling. As CMHA BC explains in its guide to coping with loneliness, loneliness is the sense that your close relationships are not meeting your needs, which is why you can feel lonely in a full office, a busy household, or even a long-term relationship.
Many people who come to see me are not isolated at all. They have partners, children, and colleagues, yet they do not feel truly seen or understood. Others are newcomers to Canada who left behind a whole network of family and friends. For my Farsi-speaking clients in particular, the loss of familiar language, humour, and gatherings can make loneliness feel heavier, something I write about in why language and culture matter in counselling.
Why Screens Don’t Fully Replace Being Together
Texting, video calls, and group chats are a real gift, especially when family lives overseas. Still, they work best alongside in-person time. A 2025 report from Statistics Canada on how technology is reshaping friendships found that people who connected with friends only virtually were more likely to feel lonely always or often (24%) than those who mixed online and in-person contact (15%). The researchers note this does not prove cause and effect, but it is a useful reminder that our nervous systems often settle most deeply when we share space, a meal, or a walk with someone.
Add the shorter, darker days of autumn, which I explored recently in how BC’s darker winter mornings can affect your mood, and it is easy to see why connection can slip this time of year.
Gentle Ways to Rebuild Connection This Fall
You do not need to overhaul your social life. Small, repeated steps tend to work best:
Start with one person. Choose someone you already feel comfortable with and suggest something simple: a coffee, a walk along the Traboulay PoCo Trail, or a quick call on your commute.
Make it regular, not perfect. A standing weekly check-in or a monthly dinner builds closeness more reliably than waiting for the “right” moment.
Join something built around an interest. A community centre class, a choir, a volunteer shift, or a walking group gives you a reason to show up and see the same faces over time.
Notice your inner critic. Thoughts like “They probably don’t want to hear from me” are common, and they are not facts. If your mind tends to spiral, these strategies for overthinking and racing thoughts can help.
Blend online and in-person contact. Keep the video calls with loved ones abroad, and try to add at least one face-to-face moment each week, even if it is brief.
Be kind to yourself in transitions. A new job, a move, a breakup, or a new baby can all temporarily shrink your circle. Loneliness during change is a signal, not a personal failing.
If you notice persistent low mood, sleep changes, or physical symptoms alongside loneliness, please talk to your doctor as well, so you can look after your whole health.
How Counselling Can Help
Sometimes loneliness is about circumstances, and sometimes it is shaped by older patterns, such as attachment wounds, social anxiety, or a habit of keeping our needs to ourselves. In counselling, we can gently explore what is getting in the way of connection for you. I draw on CBT to work with the thoughts that keep you withdrawn, ACT and mindfulness to help you stay with uncomfortable feelings without retreating, and a multicultural lens that honours where you come from.
I offer sessions in English and Farsi, in person in Port Coquitlam and Downtown Vancouver, and through online counselling anywhere in BC. You can learn more about the counselling services I offer for individuals and couples.
You Deserve to Feel Connected
Feeling lonely does not mean something is wrong with you. It means you are human, and that you care about being close to others. With a little patience, a few small steps, and the right support, connection can grow again, even in the rainiest months of the year.
If you would like to talk about what you’re carrying, I would be glad to hear from you. Book a free 15-minute intro call to see whether working together feels like a good fit.
